Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Money Honey

There's always perks and downfalls of any job. My new(ish) job has many perks, a downfall is being on call. Last night I had to go back to the hospital at 12:30 am. After starting the car and realizing I was still in my pajama's I quickly ran back in to change and off I went. Upon returning I noticed the dogs were covered in something greasy looking, you can imagine my horror when I realized that I left the leaky honey container in the sink. Now it was spread from one end of the house to the next. Carpets, laminate, tile, bedding, dog hair all sticky with honey. Have you ever seen a terrier hopped up on straight sugar with post bath zoomies? Not pleasant at 1 am! Poor husband got the worst of it after his night shift! He asked what to do with one of the dog beds and I told him to throw it out along with Duke! He replied that Duke was wet, cold and outside afraid to come back in and was that good enough!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Mira Claw

My dogs know very few tricks so the handful we have are a very big deal in our house. My husband taught all the dogs how to "pound". He offers them his fist and they slap it with their paw, it's really just a modified shake a paw. Mira has her own version of how this is done. Instead of just slapping your fist she curls her toes into you and creates a claw with her nails whilst dragging them across the top of your fist, it's very cute although slightly uncomfortable. For whatever reason this amuses my husband and me greatly and somehow made it's way into our pounding technique with one another. Whenever one of us offers a fist to pound the other would do the "Mira Claw". It's really quite silly, but it's all in good fun and I never guessed I would have had to share this ritual with anyone.

About a year ago I started a new job, it's the same position, but in quite a different context and the learning curve was extremely steep. There are several different roles to play and some of them are extremely challenging and take months to master. I was in such role one afternoon, sitting in an important chair and I see the director of our department emerge from his office hole, quite a rare occurrence. He glanced over and saw me conducting this whole crazy operation and I guess it struck him to come over and congratulate me. I'm already busy and flustered from work so to see this elusive man coming over only increased my nervousness and flustered me further, so when he offered his fist in appreciation without thinking my fingers fanned out and curled in a claw formation...............

Yes I "Mira Clawed" my boss. And he's not only my boss, but my bosses boss. At some point while my fingernails were dragging across the top of his fist, I realized what was happening and my whole world stopped. As I stared into his frozen expression of, well confusion, I came to the conclusion that I had two options. I could explain the whole ritual that my husband and I had which was feeling more creepy and insane then silly fun at this point, or I could stop mid claw look away and never think of the incident again. I decided I did enough damage, and in my state I don't think I could have gotten out why I had clawed him without getting admitted down the hall to psych anyway, so I carefully relaxed my fingers and looked back to my computer pretending to look busy.

I don't have my camera, or I'd show you Mira doing the claw. But if you ever want to see the now famous "Mira Claw" when Mira and I are around, don't hesitate to ask! Just specify if you want her or me to demonstrate!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Potty Training 101 By Sadie

Now that I am potty trained my first attempt to relieve myself will be outside. Rule number one -you have exactly 10 seconds from the time I have decided I need to go until the time of my release to grant me access outside. If this allotted time expires I will find an alternate location of my choosing. This location will be discrete and can never be on an easily cleaned surface or you will never learn rule number one. This means that if my dog door is in anyway impeded, closed from the wind, or other elements and you don't notice me surveying the situation I will resort to option 2. Rule number two, if you actually manage to abide by rule number one and I relieve myself outside, when I come back inside I not only expect to be praised with enthusiasm and sincerity, but I will receive a treat of my liking. And not a crappy carrot treat, a real cookie. I will dock you 1 second for each breachment of this policy on the time limit you have in rule number one. If and when you have failed to abide by rule number 2 and have used up all 10 seconds given to you, I will resort back to being un-potty trained. This means that if you expect me to bathroom outside you will need to physically take me out and do the encouragement dance of shame for all the neighborhood to see. Obviously treats will follow. This will continue until I have decided that I am no longer un-potty trained and we can start back with rules one and two.

And I should mention that if there is too much snow on the ground, the wind is blowing too hard, the sun is shining too much, or I just feel like it, I will go where ever I want.

Thank-you for your attention to this sensitive manner,